{"id":4622,"date":"2015-11-20T18:00:10","date_gmt":"2015-11-20T18:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/?p=4622"},"modified":"2016-12-06T19:39:34","modified_gmt":"2016-12-07T03:39:34","slug":"mother-daughter-book-club-the-blossoming-universe-of-violet-diamond","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/2015\/mother-daughter-book-club-the-blossoming-universe-of-violet-diamond\/","title":{"rendered":"Mother Daughter Book Club: The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond"},"content":{"rendered":"

I want to share one activity we did at Wednesday\u00a0night’s Mother Daughter Book Club meeting that is worth remembering and thinking about some more. \u00a0This month, we read the book The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond<\/a> by Brenda Woods. \u00a0In my opinion, the character who grows the most in this book is not Violet but Violet’s grandmother, Roxanne Diamond. \u00a0Roxanne is the African-American grandmother young biracial Violet never knew, because of the tragic death of Violet’s father and also because of a choice Roxanne made long before that happened–a choice to have no relationship with Violet’s white mother.<\/p>\n

Now, to be fair, Roxanne was already contemplating changing her mind at the time that her son was killed, and because the accident was caused by Violet’s mother, Roxanne blamed her and it cemented Roxanne’s decision not to have any relationship with her or her children.<\/p>\n

I think this book handles that drama with a great deal of compassion; initially, now-eleven-year-old Violet and her mother reach out to Roxanne, then they get a slap in the face, but\u00a0when they later get a sincere apology and Roxanne has a\u00a0change of heart, they choose to forgive her and embrace an opportunity to get to know her better. \u00a0It’s nice that Roxanne isn’t written off as a simply racist character who just didn’t like her son marrying a white woman. \u00a0I think there was a lot more to Roxanne than that. \u00a0In our book club, girls and their moms did a great job of investigating what more there is.<\/p>\n

What if, underlying many instances of racism, there are actually understandable, even forgivable, human things going on?\u00a0 What if you could identify those fears, and address them with logic and reason so that the fears do not seem so scary anymore and they cease to produce anger? \u00a0You can’t get angry about something that isn’t really a threat to you, right? \u00a0Could you eventually get over those fears completely? \u00a0Could you make racism go away? \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

For example, let\u2019s peel away Roxanne\u2019s sentiment (not expressed by her, but definitely there) \u201cI don\u2019t like my son choosing to marry a white woman.\u201d \u00a0Peel it away and get to the deeper fears at the heart of it.\u00a0 What is Roxanne really afraid of?<\/p>\n

\u201cI am afraid of how uncomfortable family gatherings will be\u201d?\u00a0 That\u2019s a valid fear. \u00a0Family is very important to Roxanne. \u00a0Every time you bring a new person from a different family into your family, there will be differences and sometimes awkwardness.\u00a0 And in Roxanne\u2019s case, we\u2019re talking about admitting TWO people\u2014Justine and her daughter Daisy.\u00a0 That awkwardness that is normal to feel may be further increased by the prospect of your new family members being not of your same ethnic group.\u00a0 Especially if you\u2019re from an ethnic group like African American that has been historically treated horribly by the other group.<\/p>\n

Our Mother Daughter Book Club did an exercise\u00a0pretending we were\u00a0therapists giving Roxanne Diamond some\u00a0counseling to help her overcome her fears. \u00a0We wrote down things like: \u201cI am afraid Justine will have different\u00a0values from mine,\u201d “I am afraid she is not good enough for my son, that she is not perfect,” “I am afraid she will hurt or take advantage of my son,” \u201cI am afraid her daughter will not respect me as a grandmother,\u201d “I am afraid she will influence him,” “I am afraid he will never spend time with me anymore,” \u201cI am afraid\u00a0of losing my only son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do you guys see how some of\u00a0those\u00a0core fears are basically the same fears that ALL mothers have when their children marry? In fact, you will probably feel many of these same things yourselves when your kids get married! \u00a0It’s very hard to raise someone from a little baby and be their whole world, and then watch them fall in love and move away. \u00a0Even harder when they choose\u00a0someone who has\u00a0a very different background than yours.<\/p>\n

What’s probably unique about Roxanne’s situation is that she is a black woman who is very proud of her heritage and deeply rooted to her community. \u00a0She probably feels like her son’s choice of a wife is something of a rejection of her community and heritage. \u00a0The ladies in our group felt strongly that Roxanne was afraid, not only of being rejected by her son, but of the possibility that he was rejecting a part of himself.<\/p>\n

Here is what we wrote down:<\/p>\n

\"mdbookclub1\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"mdbookclub2\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Then we tried to address these fears, as if we were Roxanne’s therapist.\u00a0 If Roxanne had opened up to a counselor or even to her son Warren about the fears she was having, what might they have said to make her feel better about the wedding and welcome these two new additions to her family?<\/p>\n

Warren could say: \u201cMom, I love you.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t have picked someone who wouldn\u2019t respect you.\u00a0 I promise my wife will love and respect you as I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her counselor could say, \u201cIt will be awkward at family gatherings but eventually you will share experiences\u00a0and have fun together.\u00a0 You will feel shy at first, but in time you will come to love\u00a0them.”<\/p>\n

If Warren\u00a0had comforted her more or reassured her more, perhaps\u00a0Roxanne could have calmed down enough to attend the wedding and then she would never have become estranged from her son\u2019s family.\u00a0 She could have had happy years getting to know her first granddaughter, Daisy, and then the joy and blessing of seeing\u00a0her second grandchild–and first biological grandchild–Violet being born.<\/p>\n

Then again, considering the accident, maybe not?…<\/p>\n

Still, it\u2019s something worth keeping in mind when you are in a situation where you feel uncomfortable around people who may be different from you.\u00a0 Even in a situation where you just don\u2019t like<\/em> the people around you.\u00a0 Ask yourself, what am I really afraid of?\u00a0 Is this fear holding me back from making a new friendship that would enrich\u00a0my life with new experiences?\u00a0 Is this fear holding me back from being a happy and kind person? \u00a0Is it making me something less than what I could be? \u00a0Is it making me prejudiced?<\/p>\n

We all have prejudice, but some of it may stem from other fears which\u00a0are a bit more forgivable by way of their universal nature, and which can also be overcome<\/em>. \u00a0A truly strong person doesn’t need to be racist because she can recognize her fears and prejudices for what they are, and refuse to act on them. \u00a0If we identify our fears,\u00a0we can wipe them out with logic–just the same as we did when we were little and had fears of the dark or fears of shadows! \u00a0We told ourselves that it’s okay to be afraid, and then used reason to recognize that there was nothing really dangerous or threatening in the dark and that the dark is the best way to get good sleep. \u00a0Same thing goes for meeting people who are different from us. When we\u00a0are strong enough to recognize fear of the unknown for what it is, we\u00a0can eradicate racism and train ourselves to be more open-minded, loving and compassionate beings.<\/p>\n

That’s one of the best things that this book had going for it: characters who truly embody values of\u00a0forgiveness and compassion.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want to share one activity we did at Wednesday\u00a0night’s Mother Daughter Book Club meeting that is worth remembering and thinking about some more. \u00a0This month, we read the book The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond by Brenda Woods. \u00a0In my opinion, the character who grows the most in this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[228],"class_list":["post-4622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-events","tag-school-age"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p71KT0-1cy","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/27"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4622"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4622\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4685,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4622\/revisions\/4685"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/pasadena-library.net\/kids\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}